Joseph Furtenbacher speechified for a rather small (yet somehow unnervingly large) CBC camera,
Hello everyone, my name’s Joseph Furtenbacher, and though I say it myself, I am the most intelligent and compassionate person presently occupying our humble sphere. Sad but true. You’ll no doubt be wondering why I haven’t bothered to dress up. The short answer is: anyone who would vote for someone because they look nice is not someone I’d want to have to answer to down the road.
As for why I’m running, I believe this city is on the same slippery spending slope that has sent others into the ditch, and it’s become apparent to me that I’m the only one who has any real ideas on how to turn it around. For the extraordinary evidence behind these claims, please see my WordPress blog.
Now, as to why you should vote for me, I’ll work for the median income of forty thousand dollars, I’m willing to subject myself to recall from one third of voters, my preferred debate format is a free-for-all between myself and my opponents, and last but not least, it will help you to demonstrate that you care about yourselves at least half as much as I care about you.
Thank you for listening, and have a good day.
Only afterwards did he learn that he’d wasted three of the sixty seconds he’d been given…