A Note To Your Teachers

A recent email to the schoolers behind a website which, in order to protect the innocents, shall not remain nameless…

Hi folks,

Look, I thought I’d take a chance and contact you privately instead of venting on Disqus (one of my many soapbox platforms), but I’ll tell you straight, if no one sees fit to honor me with a personal reply to my request (no professional not paid to do so has done so so far), then it will come to that, and not, I assure you, to your advantage.

You may or may not have heard of me, but even if you have, you can’t have been paying very close attention; your website contains just about every error I’ve been railing against for the last year or so. See, unlike you guys, I’ve spent the last twenty years or so living on an average of around $10,000/year (Cdn), in order to have the time available to study, from the top down, any branch of knowledge I felt would have any utility in resolving, with minimal pain for all, the many problems faced by human societies and individuals, a list of disciplines that included, but was not limited to: philosophy, psychology, sociology, economics, law, history, politics, pedagogy, theology, architecture, computers, and nutrition. Try to understand: to me, hearing you people talk is very much like what I would expect to hear from one of your more alert teens, were they given an equal chance to expound; I’m guessing it’s been a while since anything any of you wrote was reviewed by a peer who wasn’t being paid – in status and/or comfort – to do the deed, as I am not…

As a small example, your webpage states:

About Us

The Early Education Initiative seeks to promote a high-quality and continuous system of early care and education for all children, birth to age 8. Much of our focus is on pre-K up through 3rd grade.

All children? Sure you don’t mean ‘all (legal) American children’? Yes, I’m well aware that that information is provided by context, but so what? That sentiment infects your website: NewAmerica.net. Too bad even the newest, shiniest America money could buy wouldn’t help the half of humanity living on less than $9,000 (US, PPP).

And so, entirely unaware, having never reexamined your first principles in decades, you foist your unsustainable, unhealthy, and unethical fossil-fueled lifestyles off on the very children you claim to care about. As an example, it seems that since adults like living in cities better than villages, it is, quite obviously, better for their children to be raised there, right? They are just little blank-slate adults, aren’t they? The world, according to your pronouncements, would obviously be a better place if all children were raised in the city and bussed out to the country to examine strange flora and fauna such as pumpkins, instead of being raised there and taught to produce any of their own food, right? That would require teachers willing to rot somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and – gasp – get their hands, and possibly even their clothes, *dirty* – perhaps even willing to be forced to – gulp – *sweat* (sorry, I’ll try not to mention it again without a shower handy). While, apparently, other children – Somalian children, for example – are well enough served by being left behind, dead, when their parent’s food or water supply becomes too low to keep them alive. Gonna bus them out to the pumpkin patch too? Or maybe just discuss whether they’re watching age-appropriate television or not?

Hope someone on your team will decide to work with me instead of against me; I don’t ask for impossibilities, but unless anyone being paid to improve things starts admitting that I know more than they and all their colleagues put together do – it’s no more than the plain truth, after all – there will be no saving of even your own children. You’re better than most of the people I end up reading, but, because of your duties, which are rather imperfectly imagined, you’re just as dangerous as your less-educated adversaries, because you’re no less out of touch with reality than they are… on your front page, for example, for every mention of (entirely impersonal) children, there seems to be an equal and opposite mention of (entirely personal) paychecks…

But, much in the same way an astronomer could fairly safely predict that the sun would appear to rise the next morning, I’m more than capable of predicting that none of you will reply with an honest statement of your salary, and why, precisely, you deserve it any more than, say, I would. I’m that good… not at all confused, in fact. Just sickened by what humanity has become while I wasn’t watching.

Joseph Furtenbacher

p.s. You can find most of the fruits of my labor on Facebook, WordPress, The Huffington Post, Disqus, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times, The National Post and The Ottawa Citizen; Google should snare most of the rest. Of course, I’ll understand if you don’t feel the slightest inclination to do any such thing after such an insulting letter – being the world’s best polymathic macroethicist, how could I fail to also be best qualified to understand the effects of my own handiwork? Happens, though, if I do anything else here, we’re doomed anyways…

p.s. As predicted…


About josephfurtenbacher

World's Best Polymathic Macroethicist
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